Never Once

“Standing on this mountaintop, Looking just how far we’ve come, Knowing that for every step, You were with us, Kneeling on this battle ground, Seeing just how much You’ve done, Knowing every victory, Was Your power in us, Scars and struggles on the way, But with joy our hearts can say, Yes, our hearts can say, Never once did we ever walk alone, Never once did You leave us on our own, You are faithful, God, You are faithful”

If ever there were song lyrics that could sum up what Brandon and I have been through on this journey, it’s these. We’ve been in the trenches. We’ve been in battle- with health, with negative thoughts, with fear.  Some days were harder to fight than others, yet we knew every step we took was not on our own strength. The first week this journey started, there were very real times where we were unsure if Emerson would survive. We were living hour by hour, meeting after meeting, and just kept getting bad news. That’s how critical she was. If she survived, we didn’t know what her life might look like. Needless to say, every day with her has been a miracle. We still don’t know what the future holds, all we can do is live in the moment and soak up everything we can. 

“Scars and struggles on the way” The scars, you guys, the scars are real. They’re on our daughters body. They’re on her new heart. They’re emotionally on us. But God heals them and over time they will fade. I’m not going to lie, I had a very hard time accepting these physical scars. In October, when Emerson had her first open heart surgery, I really struggled with seeing her afterwards. I didn’t know how I would react to this new scar. This incision on her chest would be a constant reminder of what she endured, of those terrifying days. And there are more scars all over her body, from the IVs, the drains… I struggled mightily with the scars. I don’t know when I finally was able to see past what the world would see, and see my miracle again. Yes, Emerson will forever live with these scars. And I’m going to do my absolute best to make her damn proud of them and not be afraid to show them off. After all, how many people do you know that needed a HEART TRANSPLANT. She’s one tough kid. 

“Knowing tang for every step, You were with us.” Yet through every single step, God was there. God showed up in the biggest way we have ever experienced. There was never a second on this journey where I felt I was alone. Every step of the way, God led us. He directed our path to get us to this. To this place. To these people. To this heart. It’s crazy to think that when God created Emerson, He grew two hearts for her. We will be forever grateful for her donor family for giving us more time with our daughter. 

We are still blown away by the prayers we have received. Literally THOUSANDS of people around the world covered our family in prayer during these hard times. And God showed up every time. Every. Time. 

“You are faithful, God, you are faithful.”

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