Hello!

I am back from Seattle and have completed my evaluation and work up, mostly. I have one more test on the 13th of March, but that will be done here in Anchorage. Once that is complete, (and it looks good), then I will be officially approved for transplant and can be listed.

This means that I will be moving to Seattle in April (yes, in like 5 weeks!)

I asked the doctors about the possibility of deferring for a while, since I’m feeling so good right now. But they explained that me being strong and fit allows them time to pick the best donor and also to help me heal more quickly after surgery. I didn’t need any more convincing after that. So I’m biting the bullet and taking the next step now.

Jamie and I decided to put off the trip to Ireland, for the moment. Listing and staying healthy is the top priority. I’m glad I put it out there as something we wanted. It allowed me to remember that I have a say in how all this goes down and deeply consider my priorities.

I feel more ready, emotionally and spiritually, to move into this next season. The right books, conversations and reminders keep coming my way, clearing the path and holding the space.

For example, upon arriving in Seattle, one of the books I found at my cousin Kendra’s house was

Being Mortal by Dr. Atul Gawande. It was the perfect reflection to help me sift through all the information coming at me. It’s about how as a doctor, he began realizing that just extending a person’s life, without attention to understanding a person’s goals (beyond the vagueness of living longer), was not ultimately helpful. He talks about how difficult it is to have conversations that help you figure out what is the priorities should be, and he explores how too often, we think that talking about dying is counterproductive. He challenges the assumption that it is a form of giving up, and that it doesn’t contribute to quality of life.

My own experience resonates with many of his questions and conclusions. I am dying, and I’m living. Both are true. The question becomes, which revelation gives me the clarity and energy to engage with my life?  

My time in Seattle will be a unique opportunity to hone in even more on what for me makes my life fulfilling and meaningful. I want to keep finding creative ways to engage with themes around community, compassion towards our bodies and how to keep digging deep throughout our lives.

The opportunities to dig deep were ever present this last round of appointments. One of the highlights from this trip happened in the first day of testing. I was staying with the Coopers who have two kiddos, Emily (9) and Jack (7). I had to have a tube stuck up my nose and went down the back of my throat and into my esophagus for 24 hours. It was measuring the acid and PH levels in my stomach and was attached to a little computer I had to carry with me. I was instructed to press a button every time I coughed, burped or changed positions from sitting to lying down. There was no way I was going to remember to do all that, so I enlisted Jack and Emily to keep an eye on me and tell me every time I coughed or burped so I could push the button. They did a stellar job! Just when I thought I was being attentive they would come up and say – “You just coughed, did you press the button?” And I would realize, nope, I hadn’t! We ended up laughing a lot and it just made the whole process so much better to have them around.

It was a lovely reward for not hiding in my room because I felt weird having a tube up my nose. I’m doing my best to live up to my ideals of choosing vulnerability and joy over isolation and fretting.

With that said, if the last two weeks were any indication of how this next season will be then it will be a really rich and delicious time. I couldn’t have asked for a better place to land. I will be living with my cousin Kendra and her husband Al. They have a fabulous house with lots of nature around. Kendra has a personal library that my Grandpa Honan would be envious of, and there is a well loved truck I can borrow for short trips to town or local haunts. Kendra and I did a road trip to Graceland many years ago and so the prospect of having another adventure together is actually very exciting. I’ve always loved having a big extended family, but never more so than now.

I am looking forward to more time with the Coopers, the Bakers, and other friends in the area. I’m hoping to make it down to Oregon for some weekend visiting too. But most of all I’m ready to take on this next chapter and see what unfolds.

All this is of course made possible by your generosity, kindness and support.

Thank you to those who have donated so far! It is so encouraging.

I’ll be writing more on my blog over here – orthiswayblog.wordpress.com

Until next time,

e.