Got home yesterday, after another 3 weeks in the hospital. I spent the day shopping for a mattress for the first floor. While my couch is still very comfy, it’s just not what my weak body needs. I ordered a VERY comfy bed that I can’t wait for, but have to for about 2 1/2 weeks. So I guess I will just wait in excitement! It’s a bummer to feel like staying downstairs is more permanent (though it isn’t) but its such a relief to know that I’ll be much more comfortable moving forward.

I spent today getting my home life organized again- refilling my giant pill box. Adding my new meds into the mix. Writing down the changes to my treatments on my Health Board (just a giant white board that is now a permanent fixture in our living room/my temporary bedroom). I didn’t quite get through everything by the time my body was too swollen and angry and I had to now lay down and prop my feet up. The swelling is a concern but hopefully temporary. It majorly limits my ability to get around, but getting able to be home and actually do things while moving around helps to reduce my swelling and keep it off long term.

Tomorrow, I will put on my comfiest stretchiest big girl pants, and I will head back to outpatient dialysis. For now, I will be doing this 3 times a week, every week, for four hours. After doing this for 3.5 months after my major hospitalization, I was so sick of it that I had hoped I wouldn’t have to think about dialysis until at least after transplant. But, I know its important. I’m glad it’s available. And I know I’m incredibly lucky to be in a position to have even come off of it even one time.

Related to all this, my contract at Naz has officially ended. For the first time in 10 years, I don’t have a Naz email. My insurance has officially ended, and I’m in the terifying fog of beginning COBRA. I’ve never not been either a student or a professor. I’m having so many deep and complex feelings about it all.

My life involves so much bittersweet right now. I’m trying to feel, accept, and appreciate it all.