Wednesday.

Yesterday, Nathan needed a blood draw to check a few levels of things. Our Mayo team said we could have the blood drawn locally though, so we didn’t have to drive there. I had originally called Williams Integracare since Nathan’s primary is there but they said they typically don’t do labs for other hospitals. Weird, but okay. So I ended up texting the amazing Paulii and she arranged for us to come in first thing yesterday morning at CentraCare.

The nurse doing the blood draw was Rhett, and we honestly didn’t care for him last time we had him. But this time, he was exactly what Nathan needed: no nonsense, not in a hurry, very blasé about everything. He acted like he didn’t care one way or the other whether or not we could get blood from Nathan. Reverse psychology? Perhaps!

But Nathan. Oh Nathan. Like a boss. Didn’t want Ativan, just sat down in the chair, asked Rhett if he could get blood from anywhere below the elbows (wrist, hand, forearm, etc.), and waited for an answer. Rhett said he found a good vein around the wrist area, so he wrapped a band around Nathan’s forearm and waited.

Nathan seemed to be in a good head space. He grabbed my hand, closed his eyes, took some deep breaths. I could actually see his muscles trying to relax. He counted down from 5. Several times.  And finally got to “one” and Rhett hit the vein on the first try. I was so incredibly proud of both of them! Nathan kept breathing, trying to stay calm, and not once did we “lose him” to the fear. He was present the whole time. I don’t know if it’s the QNRT therapy he’s doing or the fact that for some reason the lower arms don’t stress him out as much, but the whole process went really well. Again, so proud!! 

On another (deeper) note, as I was driving to work (crying – the tears come at weird times) this morning, I couldn’t stop thinking about his journey. And mine and Brian’s. Seven months ago, Nathan was really struggling. As you all know. Brian and/or myself spent every waking (and non-waking) moment with Nathan, hoping for a miracle. And now that we’ve had one, I’m really struggling to get back to real life.

For example this morning, Brian and I are scuttling off to work, and it feels like we’re taking for granted the fact that Nathan can be at home by himself. And there’s that: Nathan is at home by himself for a long day. It just seems . . . wasteful. He has a new lease on life and he’s spending the day alone? It feels like we’re not appreciating this miracle he received. I feel like we should be celebrating every moment, spending every moment with this kid, appreciating the fact that he can move and be active and love life, making memories! But instead, we’re just back to the dregs of daily life: work, cleaning, grocery shopping, school, more work.

In a heart moms group I’m in on Facebook, I lamented a similar post. The responses were along the lines of: “be grateful you’re at this point!” and “getting back to normal life is good!” But I can’t. How can I sit at my computer for 8 hours a day, listening to someone complain about their GPA which THEY created for themselves, while my son has overcome a life-or-death hurdle in his life and is sitting at home eating Cheez-Its and wishing his parents could take him to the beach or play cribbage with him but they can’t because they’re at work. It just seems so . . . backwards. Is this what PTSD feels like? This kind of difficulty getting back to normal life because everything seems so trivial? 

Anyway..

Nathan is actually doing really well, which we ARE grateful for. He’s eating lots, being active, excited for school. He even made the trip up to Moorhead to bring his big sis back to college. They miss each other a lot! Nathan also applied for and got his first job, which blows my mind! January brings a new heart, August brings a new job. He starts later this week and we’re so excited for him. He ALSO finally took his driver’s permit written test (since November last year was pretty busy ) and he passed! So now he’s getting used to being in the driver’s seat as well. It’s been a good month for him! 

Next Mayo appointments are in September, so I hope we can have another great visit. 

God bless and thank you for your prayers and blessings and love. 
Mary, Brian, Ellie, and Nathan

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If you are interested and feel called to help, you can donate to COTA in honor of Nathan, to assist with transplant-related expenses. Please visit: https://cota.org/campaigns/COTAforBraveheartNathan

Any donations given through CaringBridge will go only to CaringBridge.