God knows how much we’ve been struggling, but maybe y’all don’t. Sometimes, I feel dishonest only posting happy things on here. But it’s not that I want to give the appearance that everything is perfect—I couldn’t escape the reality of our suffering even if I tried—but rather that these are the moments in my day that I want to hold fast. That give me even the smallest measure of grace to keep trying and trying even when I’ve already given up.

This past week was difficult for my heart, even though nothing was “wrong” with Junia. From being patient with her oral aversion to solids feeding (most likely because of all the medications we force her to take, now back up to 9), to trying out new syrups and techniques with her medications to keep her from vomiting, to learning how to keep her injection sites from bleeding through her bandages and her clothes (because she’s now on two blood-thinners), to repenting of being so pathetically envious of the privilege I perceive in mothers of “normal” babies, and on and on, I still find myself raging at what my baby needs to and will need to go through in the course of this life.

Everything is fine, but it is not easy. I am fine, but I am still struggling to process everything that’s happened and is happening. Thank you for being patient with me—and for supporting and loving me despite myself.

That said, here’s a video of my girls stuffing their faces with some previously frozen Argentine shrimp lightly sautéed in cultured, salted butter. Daddy’s treat