I like to refer to Bodie’s transplant summer as Sierra’s “soft launch.” Completely unexpectedly, I was forced to learn to live 500 miles away from my sweet girl last summer, as she got a crash course in independence and forging her own way.

I thought that prepared me for this week, her hard launch, as we dropped her off at college.

In a way, I suppose it did.

But even so, walking away from this girl, everything we have poured our hearts and prayers into over the last 18 years, and leaving her 2,000 miles away, was hard. It felt surreal. It’s as though our hearts are bursting and breaking at the same time.

Bursting with pride over how ready she is, how brave this decision was, how many wonderful moments lie ahead for her.

But also breaking with sadness over an era over, a family life that will never be the same.

I turned to Dusk as we walked into the airport this afternoon and said through tears “You know how when you read a really good book, or play a good game, or listen to an amazing record and you get to the end, you want to immediately start it all over again? That’s what dropping her off at college felt like.”

And then I had to stop and modify my thought a bit, as I’d love to start all over again, but maybe skip over the teaching her to read bit, and definitely the potty training part…also, not sure I’d have the energy to do the toddler years again.

So, yeah, lot of mixed feelings. For both Dusk and I.

But I read a quote earlier today that really resonated with me – “Healthy birds fly the nest.” I’m choosing to ruminate on that in moments of sadness and emptiness.

But our girl? She’s gonna do great.

She’s moved in, and settled, and already exploring her new home with her roommate, a sweet girl from Georgia.

We think she has most of what she needs (even, yes, a pillow of her beloved Toulouse to watch over her). And whatever she realizes she needs, she’ll find out how to get.

I put on my big girl panties and my brand new tee shirt and got ready for the goodbyes.

I did pretty well and didn’t cry until we left. The final hugs goodbye were hard, for both Dusk and I.

We hugged her and prayed over her, asking God to continue to protect her and guide her.

And then I cried a little more.

And we waved goodbye as she and her roommate giggled together and wandered into a darling vintage thrift store bearing IU clothing…and the start of her new life.

Spread those wings and fly, my sweet girl. You were made for this.

Just don’t forget to come back home once in a while to tell us all the things you see out there.